Random thoughts !: 06/01/2005

Friday, June 24, 2005

toOo Piss to zZzZzZz !

It’s almost 10 and notice that I’m still awake!
Warming: I’m just a little piss @ the moment.
Just thought a little blogging would do me some good.

Reason for being piss: Went to Safeway and the Korean Market to get some fresh fruits and food for tomorrow’s picnic in Napa –Sylvia’s B-day. Just trying to get ahead of the game and making sure that I find time to do so, since I have something else to do lately on today. Before hitting the sak, I figure I better check my email and guess what? YES! The trip is cancel.**wtf** do I do w/ all that food?

The funny part was that I was more cited going target practice but cancel out b/c it was a close friend’s b-day. (Even though, I don’t feel that close to her. Stubborn as I was, I’m willing to take baby steps to change that- but when thing like this happen w/ her.. I just don’t know where I stand. ) I wish I was told by Wednesday, instead of Friday or Thursday nite.. whatever!

Geez! I really don’t need this right now! I’m just beyond tired of everything! Darn it! I have no more energy for this. I’m stressed out as it is. Ugh! I hate that feeling! This past week has been hell for me and I thought going to Napa (away from the city..) and spending time w/ close friends would do me some good. Guess not ~!

Anyho, I better go.
I don’t think my eyes nor body can stand being awake for more than 20+ hours!!

=) Have a nice weekend ya…

Monday, June 13, 2005

Whew…. What a boring week?

Lately, I find that writing in a notebook serves a similar function for me as this blogs but on a more personal level. Sadly I’m running out of words for my blogs-notice the similar themes. You gotta be a little creative to do that. Lately, I think I’ve lost my creativity -ok, I’m just lazy to think of one. What’s up w/ me? I’ve been so uninspired lately, whatever it is, it doesn’t lead itself to be funny nor interesting. =X

Is it b/c I’m spending my time@ work stress out and literally counting the hours until I get to go home (like right now.) or am I annoy by myself that I haven’t been doing the things on my list. To make things worst, my car has been out of operation for the past few days. I'm hoping that it won't cost more than 1g to fix it. Being trap at home is no fun at all. Thank god my mom lend me her car for work, I don’t know what I’ll do w/out this lady!! I heart this lady! Even though we drive each other insanely crazy! =) On a lighter note, my sister has been pretty supportive of me, which hasn’t happen for a long while, but I’m just glad that I’ll always have my family to back me and vice versa of course! Ok, enough of that **mushy** talk, I’m grossing myself out.. haha..

Have anyone watched Hood-2-Hood, it’s basically a documentary on living in the ghetto w/ various location like SF, Oakland, Chicago and at least 25 more citites. It’s about selling drugs, getting high and killing each other etc etc… It’s sad how people do live this way. Not knowing whether tomorrow is your last day or seeing friends get kill. All b/c of trying to make some fast money.. Dude! You’re selling drugs to your own ppls/neighbor – that doesn’t exactly help improve the environment. Maybe I’m naive and don’t understand what they have been through nor live in that environment, where ppl have no choice. Yet, I honestly believe if it wasn’t the temptation and greed of making fast money, they would have probably try to found a way out. The sad part is when the innocents get caught in the cross-fire-especially little kids. Well, I’ll just leave it at that, since it's time to go home. But if you get a chance to watch it, you will find it amusing and very ghett-O! After all this ‘ain't’ like real world mtv, it is the real world!

Have a nice week ya, 4 more days till Friday…

Friday, June 10, 2005

Being Twenty Something...

Read it for sure if you are in your twenties.

Gotten this email a long time ago! Not sure why I keep forgetting to post this up until I read a dear friend's blog and thought this might help her and anyone who is reading this..

Oh god this is exactly how I feel. The minute, I was reading it I felt as if someone read my mind before writing it. A lot of us can relate a bit. I couldn’t put it in better wording! I guess I'm normal after all.. haha.. Oh man, this is only quarter- imagine mid-life crisis’s.. j/k..

Maybe we all r going through this "Being Twenty-Something".
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap.
Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Please do comment and tell me whether you feel the same...

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

The world does not revolve around you !

It’s amazing how quickly the days are flying by. I was hoping that I would hang out w/ my cousin Lily. It’s always nice to just hang out w/ her- browsing for hours, chilling, shopping and sampling differ food. I’ve been missing that a lot lately. She’s one of these people who make you feel good about life in general. Trust me, not a lot of people can do that for me. =)

On a happier note, she’s getting marry in a year or so! Yay! *_~ You guess it, bachelorett party in Vegas!! We are both excited!! I can’t wait. I’m so glad that she found her other half, she truly deserve it. I’ve learned so much from her. The dramas, nightmares, pain and tears she has to endure throughout her relationships of not being treated right. Feeling helpless that you can’t help lessen the pain; nevertheless we learned from our mistakes, which makes us stronger. I truly look up and admire her for that.

Well, I haven’t seen my aunt Wendy for sometime now. You would think as someone get older; they tend to become wiser. ( I guess, this is not the case.) I haven’t really talked to her since the Vegas trip- let say I’m so f**** tire of her shit. She always twist things around, you were the one that keeps following my friend around! Never listen to her shit!@ Sowee, she’s the only person I’m embarrassed to called family. Trust me, I’ve never met someone so fake and cocky in my life. If she wasn’t family, I guess I wouldn’t even bother talking to her. The funny thing was that she told Lily that I was jealous of her. Oh please!!! Come on lady- The world does not revolve around you! Not everyone in the world wants to be you (It’s probably the opposite! haha.. ) I guess I am jealous that I don’t have superficial friends- whom probably gives a shit about a prada purse more than you. No that’s not it, I must be jealous that I’m not dating younger guys that can be my little brothers or maybe I’m jealous that I can’t take advantage of people who cares for you, like your family- which you take for granted. Wait! Wait! I got it!! I must be jealous of not having the capability to take advantage of ANY guys that comes your way. Dude nothing is for free, they probably want something in return. Even when they don’t want anything and truly wants to be your friend, you don’t take advantage of friends- simple as that!

Ok, sowee about the sarcasm. =) Simply can’t help it… haha.. Just tired of dealing of her. I hope none of you have to go through what I’ve been through all these years. You know the sad part was that I wanted to be like her when I was 7 years old. What the hell was I thinking? I guess things, the fact I grew up and realize that things aren’t what it seems.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Love @ First Sight

I don’t usually write about relationships. Maybe I’ve comment on it before in my blogs. Anyways, I was talking to George last night about relationships and knowing about 'the one' . He told me that the first time he meet his wife, he knew she was 'the one'! I thought that was so sweet. However, it makes me wonder how can one possibly know by just lo-oking at the particular person? Is it a feeling? Is it the way that person connects to you?

Ps.. haha.. I thought this pic was so cute n' so true. =)
I guess this is what you called true love! haha..

I realize that almost every married couples who say “I knew this was the girl/guy I was suppose to marry from that first time or by the second day/weeks-whatever.. you get the point. They’re married, so of course that person is the one. Maybe it’s the giddy feelings in a relationship that turns into the reality of love and don’t get me wrong, I think this is *wonderful*. =) Wish that could happen to me w/out any doubt of course. How about the relationships that don’t work out? Do they talk about it? Why else would you have gone on a second date or continue the relationship for a few months or even years- why not marry right away if you are so sure if that person is “the one”? Or maybe b/c you aren’t sure and thought it would be worth giving a chance, which mean you didn’t know that the person is really “the one” – but you just assume right?

Maybe one in a million, but honestly I don’t really believe there is love @ first sight, maybe lust @ first sight. If you are fooled into thinking it’s love then you don’t understand chemistry and don’t realize that it’s entirely differ from love. You cannot truly love someone until you spend time w/ them, get to know them, accept them for who they are and still have strong feelings for them. Anyways, what the hell do I know? I don’t even know how it’s really feels like w/out the fear of getting hurt! Nor to I wanna experience it! Oh well.. we’ll see...

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Lost: Friendships

It’s Sunday morning, I finally cleaned out my stuff in the storage/garage in my pj’s - a very long over due job might I say. =) haha.. I’m such a lazy ass! Just going through a few boxes that I kept there over the years. Each box full of things I couldn’t recall I had put it there. Even now, after years of not thinking of them, there were childhood things that I couldn’t bear to throw away. Some hold special memories, while some I just can’t let go for some odd reason- maybe it’s a girly thing to do… =) Another box I came across was one that holds old photos, old b-day card, yearbooks, school notes and old pen-pal letters from junior high.. Hmmm.. I wonder if it’s still possible to reach them again after all these years. Nah it’s just a thought, just hope that things are going well for them.

Then I came across a letter that I’ve saved and folded neatly in the senior yearbook. It was a letter from a close friend that I’ve known since elementary school, someone I look up dearly like an older sister. Funny thing is that every year I think of her on B-day, since it was during the Thanksgiving holidays. It was a letter she wrote to me in class- that’s what we do when we were bore in class. I re-read this letter that reminded me of things I had forgotten about this person. She had written to me w/ words that were heartfelt and meaningful.….well…… back then at least, since that friendship is currently non-existent. I sat there fighting every urge to fold it up and mail it to her as a reminder of the past. But then I wondered why would I do that, for the benefit of either of us???? Maybe all this time I felt such pain for this friendship is b/c somehow I miss that friendship- especially now- b/c I finally realize that friendships are hard to come by! =) Lay was right we don’t get to choose our family, but we get to choose our friends.

The Strange thing is that we tend to forget what we have: old things, thoughts and feelings. I’ve said about this friendship is that I’m done: my heart is close to the idea. Reading those words she wrote as my friend almost 10 years ago, could they possibly still be good? –or- am I really somehow trying to truly believe that it has fallen down as if it was never there. As for now, I neatly put away these thoughts. My heart doesn’t know what to do with these lost forgotten thoughts, so they have to rest until it does. Meanwhile, it’s almost 2pm, I better hurry and finish and go grab some breakfast or lunch- whateva you call it.

*_~ Have a great weekend ya!

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Whew! what a week...

Whew! I’m glad last weekend’s over. I never thought that I would say such things! So glad everything is done! I’m still disappointed that I didn’t get to spend the time watching the Korean Movie, cleaning up my room nor plan anything for the Raft trips. Hopefully I can get more than 6 people to go, everyone say they are going but it’s hard to say until then-you know what I mean. This week was so busy @ work, I left work really TIRED! I had to rest my eyes for 10 mins b4 I heading back home. Overall, the week wasn’t so bad after all, it’s Thursday already! Yay! =)

PS. angrylittlegirl.com
I heart this cartoonist, I can really related to a lot of her cartoons!

=) Now that I’ve done all “these things” on my list, or am in the process of doing them. I feel on top of the world again! I think for the last couples of weeks, I just let my life be ruled buy other factors and I felt like I was really losing control over myself. Now, I’m trying to make a very conscious effort to improve on myself or life.

It’s amazing how quickly the days have been going by lately. It’s already another weekend! Yay! I’m going enjoy a nice calm weekend @ home. Trying to catch up w/ the things I plan to do last week but didn’t. I need to catch up w/ my zzZZzZz.. Sleep is good, staying home is good. Rest & spending time w/ Tyra seem ralxing! Hmmmm… Maybe I’ll bring Tyra to the zoo tomorrow. We’ll see….

Random thoughts !