Random thoughts !

look can be deceiving.

I had the weirdest day at work. It was more of a shock actually, just found a co-worker that was on a leave of absence at work for the past few month, just killed his wife last Friday and currently on the run. I’m just wondering why would he do such things? Why? Don’t seem like the person who would do this? Yes, look can be deceiving, but it just made me wonders if something happen and in rage, he did it. Ok I’m not trying to defend him; after all he did commit murder. The worst part is the 3 kids without a mother and a father in prison for it. We often hear this on the news, but to actually know someone whom did this- just feel too weird and awkward. =( that’s all I’m trying to say.

On a different note, I don’t think Oprah is helping me at all. I went over not twice but almost 3x the projected weekly budget. Ok, Joanne is right. It was too low to begin w/ so I’m going to make it twice that amount, so hopefully I can do it. I just realize that my Europe trip is just 2 months away, yay! I waited so long. Funny thing is that I sort wish, I could do a mini-backpacking trip instead a tour type, but at the same time I’m kind glad I picked the Tour. Hopefully in 2 years, I can to go back to Amsterdam and do a mini-backing trip. For now, I think I really want to go to Korea! Definitely after Hong Kong and New York.

Oh well, I better got o sleep now.

Good night to whoever!

posted by ~~Sin~~ @ 2:51 AM 0 comments

Are guys as insecure as girls?

Wow! It’s not even 2am and I’m home already. Yup, another very short day at work! =) I’m loving it! 2 more night and it’s the weekends! It’s too early to sleep, guess I’ll just write something quick here. I’m listening to 94.9, gosh all these love jams-so relaxing! Aright, maybe I don’t hate my job, but I do enjoy it. Of course, it can be stressful at times but I guess I’ve learned to control it a bit. It’s actually not that bad, I don’t really have someone that really watches me. My supervisor works during the day and she’s hecka cool and real. I work w/ a bunch guys, so basically I don’t really have to watch what I say and we crack a lot of jokes. I get to wear whatever and I don’t care, so I wear basically my gym clothes. Who cares! I get to listen to anything I want, since I’m usually the only one is the office. Though I have to admit that my co-workers think I have weird taste in music. One minute it’s R&B, then Country, 80’s, Chinese, Korean and then back to my R&B and Hip-Hop. I think I gotta to the point where I’m just comfortable. =)

Anyways, funny thing happened at work. I was eating a salad at my desk , as usual one of the supervisors brought me some paperwork. Out of the blue, he suddenly mentioned that he’s getting big. What? I didn’t say anything or even notices anything. You gotta understand that I’ve always thought he’s one of the confident types- that doesn’t care what people think. Suddenly for him to say that just makes me think that everyone is in fact is insecure about something, even when we think they aren’t. Go figure, I do know that guys are unsecured about something; after all they are human right. But my question is that -are they as insecure as girl? Don’t laugh or think it’s a stupid question. Really, just maybe guys are more insecure than us gals; it’s just that they don’t show it like we do. Is it b/c it makes them seem weak. Maybe we are as strong as they are or even stronger and why is that when we are confident as they are, strong women or a Bitch, as they would refer it. Just b/c we’re not willing to take someone’s else bullshit, we are consider as bitches and they are consider desirables. Not that there’s nothing wrong w/ being a Bitch- you know “Babe in total control of herself.” This reminded me of a book I read over a year ago called “Why men prefer bitches?” Something like that, don’t laugh b/c it actually a pretty good book w/ common sense things that we (girls) tend to forget in a relationship. I know, I thought it sounded a bit crazy when Jane give me the book to read, but I enjoy it. Like Dr. Phil would say life is a game and it’s really about how you play the game! I’ll just leave it at that.

Good night ya.

posted by ~~Sin~~ @ 1:46 AM 0 comments

Does good etiquette apply anymore?

I wonder, if I'm really sick of work or maybe I just need some time out. I went to work last night and right before my exit, I decided to just pass it and went for a drive around Burlingame. When I got to work, I was almost an hour late, instead of being a few minute early-but I didn’t care.. it was worth being late. My co-worker called but as always I don’t have my phone around or didn’t turn it on until I get to work-so they know that my phone is off the whole weekend. For some odd reason, I think cell phones are so annoying that I don’t feel like bothering w/ them at times. What irrigates me the most is when people pick up their celly at a theater or when they pick up their celly while dinner or lunch, don’t they know it’s rude, especially when they talk so loud that the whole restaurant would hear you. (Maybe good etiquette doesn’t matter anymore.)

Work was not bad at all, it was actually a quick night-consider I didn’t even work my full 8 hour or 7 for this matter, which is always good, that means I will get more rest. Honestly, I think I really need some sort of vacation away from work! I know I have less than three months to Europe, just seem like forever! Especially when I waited almost a year.. The funny thing about Europe is that I will be going back there in another 2-3 years, it just not enough time to visit everything I wanted to see too. So I’m probably going back to Amsterdam, try Spain and Greece. Luckily, Travel plan for next year is a week in Hong Kong around Spring and then New York around Fall or Autumn-whichever you call it. Where else do I wanna travel? Let’ see Hawaii (again), Japan, Cairo, Sydney, Korean (Definitely not North Korea!), Thailand, Singapore, Malaysia, Taiwan , Greece, Brazil, Dubai etc.. etc.. so many places so little time and money!

Since we are on the subject of Money. I decided to take Oprah’s advice and go on a debt diet. I’m so sick and tired of owing so much money. I wonder how some people don’t worry too much about, to the point where they don’t even look or pay their bills. First step to the debt diet is to admit to your family and friends-how much you owe. So here it goes, I owe a little over 32k last April 05, now I still owe a little over 16k, after Europe probably 18k. Actually not bad for a year of progress- but lately I’m not making much on my payments, because of unexpected expenses- which included shopping. If I were to buy a new car, nothing fancy just a commuting car for work. I need to figure what to do w/ my finances, so I spent some time at work last night, going through the debt diet steps and trying to figure how I should go about to paying it off. Darn it, in order to pay off all my debt before buying a car- I need to pay at least almost 1500-1700 monthly in order to pay everything back by July 07. =( that means I must look for a part time job after Europe to pay my trips. According to the debt diet, I gotta stop using my credit cards and pay cash for everything in cash and we are allow to go to the ATM machines once and week. Using debit cards are allow, but I think I’ll try to use that for gas only and probably give myself an allowance of $100.00 per week (not including gas and toll of course, or else I would have only $10 bucks left.) Hope it works, that mean I have to cut down on ebay or even stop buying junks on it. Sometimes I wonder how I got myself in this mess? Oh well, like they say SHIT HAPPENS!

posted by ~~Sin~~ @ 2:52 AM 0 comments

why can you be someone's muse but yourself?

Ok, I know I need to take control of my life and really figure out what I need to do and take care of first. Like they say in philosophy class- there are two motivating forces: hope and fear. Fear is a powerful negative drive that’s moves us to the wrong directions- giving us the sense that we can’t do it or that we might fail. While hope is the positive drive that draws us toward our goals like a magnet that pushes us ahead in life. Basically you can either be pessimistic or optimistic in life. Yes the glass has always been half empty and I admit I have always been the pessimistic towards life. But just maybe the glass is actually half full and I have been wrong all these years! Hmm.. I wonder if one can have hope and yet be pessimistic?

Isn’t funny how life is? Really, you can be someone’s muse but yourself. Why is that? Maybe we are hypocrite of some sort or to some degree. Why is it so easy to help others but yourself? Is it because we are harsher on ourselves or is it because we don’t get to see ourselves from a clear view or maybe it’s because we analyze things that aren’t meant to be analyze and then we make it so complicated that it becomes a problem. Or just maybe, it’s easier to help someone so I can avoid my own. Sometimes I wonder why do I even bother? Is it because I’m obligated to do so, or just maybe… (oh, whatever.. )

okok…I know I really need to remind myself to stop sweating the small stuff and get all wrapped up in the dumbest crap, when people out there are having real and bigger problems than my pity little ones. Not that it’s nothing wrong to stress ova little thing- I know it can be normal, but to let it consume you in a way that I tend too then it’s wrong. I need to worry less and count my blessings more and appreciate what I have in my life, instead of pouting what I am lacking! Oh well, I better hit the sac!

posted by ~~Sin~~ @ 4:23 AM 0 comments